Tears dropped onto my newborn child's face like a rain storm as I fought for my strength back to hold her up to my chest tightly wrapping her in my arms. I wondered daily for a long time, as I felt as if I were fading closer to death, if I would ever get this chance again. Her innocent hungry cries, although at times may be exhausting, are music to my ears. Because I'm fortunate for her healthy little life. And will gladly change her diapers a million times a day and all over again tomorrow. How grateful I am to have these somber tears turned bliss.
I've reflected on why this has been Gods will for me to go through so much pain and suffering. I have come to understand it when I think about how much I love my daughter. I know when I take her to the doctor to get blood work and give her shots I'm causing her pain. And my heart hurts so badly to hear her cries knowing needles are being injected to her. But I do it for her own good to protect her and build her immunity from illness'. I know Heavenly Father loves me as well and has also done this to protect and build me up so that I can be stronger in the future.
I know I will have to endure more pain and afflictions to come, and my journey is far from over. However, the peace i have so desperately seeked and desired, i finally have been granted. And I will try my best to endure it well. This experience has made me grateful for every breath that I and my loved ones breathe. I will no longer worry so much what others might think of me. And will no longer walk the face of the earth in a zombie like haze without purpose, and oblivious to others needs.
Although I did not realize I was lost, I found myself through afflictions. I felt both heaven and hell at war fighting for and desiring my soul. But the adversary could not compete for The Lords side will always conquer all. My sufferings at one point made me hollow, and I had to make a decision on how to fill the void. I decided to restore myself with what characteristics are specifically intended of me from our Heavenly Father. Which is not perfection, He does not expect that of any of us. But to grow and develop a refined body from top to bottom. I am working on creating an indebted mind, non judgmental eyes, supportive shoulder, a charitable heart, strong lifting arms, serving hands, diligent legs, and empathetic feet.
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There's not a single person in this world that can escape affliction. But they are to make us stronger, build us up, and teach us obedience. I hope that others can learn from what I am declaring to you. And I hope it doesn't take you what it's taken me to humble yourself, make a change, and be grateful for what you have. Make that decision no matter what place you are at in your life.
I had to remind myself that no one is perfect. And that we should not let the actions of others determine our faith, like it has done mine in the past. Although, I am sorry to hear when someone has been offended or judged because that is not what we are taught or about. The church is meant for the imperfect. I believe that to be true with almost any religion. I relate it to a hospital, do you need to go to the emergency room when you are in perfect condition? No. So to expect a saint not to be a sinner is irrational.
In conclusion may my former self rest in peace and my imminent embrace herself into our anguished world. I truly do have a new-found love and care for each and every one of you and what afflictions you may be going through yourself. And ask those of you in need of comfort or care to come unto my open heart and ears and receive it.
Jumping off my "soap box" now ;)
Sincerely with love, Tara
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You're strong Tara! Love you girl:)
ReplyDeletexo, Emily
You look stunning. You DO have a perfect little family. I love and miss you soooo much! I had no idea you were in SLC. I may have to drive down and see you one of these weekends. xoxo
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