"The outside of our book.." (Happy Father's Day to my love)

The outside of our book looks new. The cover is in pristine condition. It has a beautiful photo of a picture perfect family. And there are no dents or scratches to be found. But when you open the book, the pages are warn and damaged. There are chapters missing. There is evidence of several paper cuts from the blood on the corners. The binding is frailing, barely holding the book together. The story does not make sense. And there are no happy endings. In fact there is no ending at all, many pages are blank.

In chapter 23 here is what you will read over and over, page after page of Kolbys typical day. He wakes up with Aspen in the middle of the night, feeds her, and puts her back to sleep. Wakes up at 6:00 am to study, do homework, read scriptures and reads a section from his favorite book. Takes care of Aspen till I wake up usually around 8. If I'm sick or in pain, he makes me breakfast.

Then he goes to work and goes above and beyond. He's the hardest worker you will ever meet and I can absolutely guarantee you that. He takes pride in his work. He expects nothing but the best from himself. By our many conversations about his work I know He is honest, a perfectionist, and timely. And no one knows at work what he goes through at home.

When he comes home he helps me with Aspen, and takes care of me if I'm not doing well. He will massage my head and neck, runs me a bath, holds my hand. Anything he can think of to ease or distract my pain. Cleans and cooks if I haven't been able to get around to it.

Everyone is always asking Kolby to fix something because they know he knows how to do just about everything. And always finds the time to help people with whatever they need. Like fixing their lawn mowers, cars, toilets, sinks, yards, sprinklers, vacuums, washers, dryers, garbage disposals, dishwashers.. You name it, he's done it. He enjoys making others lives a little bit easier even if it makes his a little more difficult.

Then he goes to study and do homework again. When he's finished with that he usually comes to bed, helps me to sleep by rubbing my feet almost every night. Goes to sleep and does it all over again.

If I'm having a good day and am able to have somewhat of a productive day, he praises me for the hard work I've done. And sincerely tells me how much he appreciates me for what I've accomplished. Kolby never complains about his life. He forces himself to have control of his emotions and to keep his composure. And tells me that even if he knew before we were married me that I would be so ill he would still have married me.

Sometimes my anger and frustration gets the best of me. And a lot of the time it ends up being taken out on him, when obviously he does not deserve that. I will cry, scream, break things and you know what he does...?? He hugs me.. He HUGS me!!! What kind of crazy person that is getting screamed at for something not even their fault, hugs the person screaming? I think he's more insane than I am sometimes.

If someone treated me like that there is no way I would allow it. I would probably punch them, lock them in a room, and let them deal with it on their own. But he never leaves me alone, sometimes it makes me so angry that he doesn't. And he always figures out a way to unlock the door. But afterwords I'm usually glad that he did, because he's the only thing that can make me feel better.

Kolby is constantly working to better himself with his education, work, and life skills. Always willing to go the extra mile, and make changes so that he can be all that he can be. And loves to learn, he's like a sponge and soaks up anything and everything he can.

Every day I beg him to give up something because he can not possibly continue to give 100% to his family, 100% to work and 100% to school. But he continues to prove me wrong and gives 300%. I know I hold him back because I know I could not handle what he handles. But I just need to accept that he can so that he can be all that he can be.

A damsel in distress, I was ready to write "the end" to my book at only chapter 15. And then I was rescued by my Prince Charming. He gave me a reason to keep living, or should I say, keep writing. Many of our pages are blank because we have not finished our story. We have many adventures to go on, and lessons to learn. But I do know that there will be a happy ending, and It will close in beautiful cursive letters "and they lived happily ever after."

Thank you for sticking with our story and seeing it through to the end. And we appreciate those of you who have helped keep our novel together. I can't wait to fill our pages with you in them. This is my husbands first Fathers Day. I would love for you to "fill a page" of the love and appreciation you have for him. I think this sentimental Father's Day gift of words would mean more to him than anything money could buy.

I may not be the luckiest girl in the world, but when I think about him, I feel that I am.

Tara's 5 Day Detox Cleanse (no hunger pangs)

ABOUT MY 5 DAY DETOX CLEANSE-

I've been looking for a detox cleanse and had a hard time finding one that was right for me. It was either too much (actually meaning not enough and starving.) Or it was not enough (meaning not enough nutrients or detoxing effect) I have a passion for learning what food can do for your body. So I decided to create my own detox diet to fit my needs. One that did the job and will never give me hunger pangs. I researched all the top detoxifying foods and threw them all together to create my own recipes and diet regimen for this five day cleanse.


I've had some very severe issues with my digestive system. In the past 8 months I've had two instances that were almost fatal and landed me in the ER. And the treatment makes me horrifically ill for days. Although not everyone may have issues this severe, everyone can use a detox. It's a way for your body to recharge, rejuvenate and renew. Detoxing should not just be a quick fix but a part of your lifestyle change to eat clean. The scale might stay the same, but dont let that fool you. You will be losing fat and excess waste but your extra water intake will make up for that during the week.


THERE ARE MANY BENEFITS TO GAIN FROM THIS DETOX DONE RIGHT.
I'LL GIVE YOU 10!-


1~ Eliminate excess toxic waist that you carry around
2~ Strengthen your immune system
3~ Help you jump start a healthy lifestyle change
4~ Encourage healthy habits
5~ Give you energy
6~ Consume many nutrients
7~ Help with aches, pains, bloating and even headaches
8~ An increased sense of wellness and mental focus
9~ Be more productive
10~ BONUS not only does it make you feel better but it makes you look better. With weight loss, shinier hair, and clearer skin.




HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU CLEANSE AND WHEN IS A GOOD TIME TO START?-


It is estimated that the average person will have 5-15 pounds of waste matter impacted on the colon wall. With that being said, you should detox your body every 4-6 months (the healthy way). Personally I'm going to try to make it a habit to do the cleanse once a month. Not only will this help me to be healthier it will give me that extra boost and no bloat so I can see the actual results of my hard work just before I take my 30 day "after" pictures. Another good time to start a cleanse is before a specific occasion that you want to feel and look your best, like a vacation. Or if you know you have an occasion that you'll be eating not the healthiest. For instantance, this weekend I'm throwing a BBQ with my friends, and the next day I'm going camping with my family. Although I will still be making healthier choices, there's no way I'm missing out on those burgers, hot dogs, and smore's! Some people think they have to chose between eating to live, or living to eat. Well I choose BOTH! I love the way eating healthy makes me feel. But with a little extra hard work, I also enjoy life's sweet indulgences.


WHAT CAN YOU EAT AND DRINK ON THIS CLEANSE?-
-Lots of Vegetables
-Little Fruit
-Lean Proteins
-Quinoa, Rice, and Beans 

-Rolled Oats
-Water, water, water.. and more water!
-Limited Sugarless Lemonade or Green Tea


WHAT CAN YOU NOT EAT ON THIS CLEANSE?-
-Wheat (Or anything containing gluten)
-Dairy
-Sugar
-Sodium
-Processed foods
-Soda




S0! LET'S GET TO IT...


SHOPPING LIST:
Produce~
- 1 Artichoke
- 2 bunches Asparagus
- 1 bag of smaller Carrots
- 1 container of Cherry Tomatoes
- 3 Beets
- 4 Cucumbers
- 1 Zucchini
- 4 bunches of Broccoli
- 1 bunch of Kale
- 1 bunch of Cilantro
- 1 small piece of Ginger
- 1 clove of Garlic
- Spinach (Optional)

- 4 Apples
- Raspberries
- Blueberries
- Large bag of Lemons

Lean protein~
- About 16 oz of Chicken breasts (no skin, trimmed fat)
- 1 Package of ground Turkey or Chicken

- Your Choice of Three- 4 oz Fish (Salmon, Tilapia, Tuna, ect)

Seasoning~

- Turmeric 

- Black pepper

- Cinnamon 

- Nutmeg (optional)

- Garlic powder (optional)

- Onion powder (optional)

- Dried basil (optional) 

- Oregano (optional)

Other~
- 2 cans low sodium Black Beans
- Quinoa and Brown rice medley 

- Rolled Oats (Mine are gluten free)

- Almonds (Optional)

- Raisins (Optional)

Optional, you can find these at a health food store~

- Chia Seeds

- Dried Goji Berries 

- Aloe Vera Juice 100% Inner Fillet

MEAL PLAN WITH RECIPES AT THE BOTTOM-

DAY 1:

Breakfast- Green, Lean, Detoxifying Machine 

(Optional- Pre-Workout Supplement, Aloe/Raspberry Lemonade or Green Tea)

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Lunch- 4 oz Baked Detox Fish (or chicken) with 1/2 Bundle of Asparagus

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Dinner- 4 oz Shredded Yellow Detox Chicken with 1/2 Can of Black Beans and Avocado

DAY 2: 

Breakfast- Detox Power Oatmeal 

(Optional- Pre-Workout Supplement, Aloe/Raspberry Lemonade or Green Tea)

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Lunch- 4 oz Baked Detox Chicken with Beets

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Dinner- 4 oz Baked Detox Fish (or chicken) with 1/2 Bundle of Asparagus

DAY 3:

Breakfast- Green, Lean, Detoxifying Machine 

(Optional- Pre-Workout Supplement, Aloe/Raspberry Lemonade or Green Tea)

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Lunch- 4 oz Shredded Yellow Detox Chicken with 1/2 Can of Black Beans and Avocado

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Dinner- Ground Turkey or Chicken with Quinoa & Brown Rice Medly with 1/2 Bundle of Asparagus

DAY 4:

Breakfast- Detox Power Oatmeal 

(Optional- Pre-Workout Supplement, Aloe/Raspberry Lemonade or Green Tea)

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Lunch-  4 oz Shredded Yellow Detox Chicken with 1/2 Can of Black Beans and Avocado

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Dinner- 4 oz Baked Detox Chicken and an Artichoke 

DAY 5:

Breakfast- Green, Lean, Detoxifying Machine 

(Optional- Pre-Workout Supplement, Aloe/Raspberry Lemonade or Green Tea)

Snack- Endless Veggie Bowl

Lunch-4 oz Baked Detox Fish (or chicken) with 1/2 Bundle of Asparagus

Snack- You guessed it... Endless Veggie Bowl ;)

Dinner- Detox Turkey or Chicken Burger with Avocado

TIPS- 

I like to make my meals all at once, and put the rest in containers in the fridge or freezer. This saves a lot of time and makes it easier to stay on track. The only thing I don't prepare ahead of time is the Green, Lean, Detoxifying Machine. When juicing you want to drink it immediately after because many of the nutrients start to disappear quickly.

RECIPES-

Breakfast~

PREWORKOUT SUPPLEMENT- ALOE/RASPBERRY LEMONADE

Ingredients~ 

- C4 Extreme Pre-Workout Supplement Pink Lemonade (or any pre-workout supplement)

- Water

- Lemon

- Raspberries

- 2 Servings of Aloe Vera Juice

Fill about an 8 oz cup full of water and add 1/2 serving of C4 Pink Lemonade. Add lemon juice and raspberries to taste. As well as 2 Servings of Aloe Vera Juice. It's got a little bit of an earthy sour taste to it and surprisingly I can't even taste it in my Lemonade. It's a great additive for a healthy digestive system. Add Ice, and try to relax and enjoy your morning before it's time to get going. 

GREEN, LEAN DETOXIFYING MACHINE:

Juice...

Beet

Apple

Cucumber

Broccoli 

Lemon Juice

Kale

Cliantro

Parsley

Ginger

Turmeric 

2 Servings of Aloe Vera Juice

Add Ice and Chug, Chug, Chug! 

DETOX POWER OATMEAL:

Ingredients~

- Rolled oats

- Water

- Cinnamon 

- Nutmeg 

- Chia Seeds

- Goji Berries

- Raisins

- Chopped/Crushed Almonds

-Blueberries

Mix all ingredients together except blueberries. Microwave or cook on the stove till it's the right consistency for you. Top of with blueberries to give it a sweet taste. Remember- No dairy or sugar this week! 

Snacks~

ENDLESS VEGGIE BOWL:

Ingredients~

- Broccoli

- Carrots

- Cucumber 

- Cherry Tomatoes

Directions~

Chop up your favorite raw veggies and throw them in a bowl. Feel free to eat as many veggies as you want. You will never feel like you're starving and it will keep your metabolism burning. I like to put them in my fridge with the lid off for an easy grab and a fresh snack all day. 

Lunch/Dinner~

BAKED DETOX FISH & CHICKEN

Ingredients~ 

- Grab your favorite three 4 oz's of fish.

(I chose tilapia this week. Other healthy fish are Salmon, Tuna, Trout, Catfish, ect.)

- Two 4 oz Chicken breasts

- 2 Garlic clove segment

- Parsley 

- Pepper

- Turmeric

- Lemon 

- Olive Oil

Directions~

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Spray large baking dish with olive oil. Season fish and chicken well with 2 segment of a garlic clove grated or pressed, turmeric, pepper, lemon, and chopped parsley. Bake for about 25-30 minutes until fish flakes easy with a fork. 

(If you're not a fish fan you can substitute with chicken with the same seasoning. I used to hate fish but I wanted to learn to like it because of it's many health benefits. I think it's somewhat of an acquired taste, and one thing that helped me get used to it is a lot of lemon and pepper added.)

SHREDDED YELLOW DETOX CHICKEN:

Ingredients~

- Chicken breast

- Turmeric 

- Pepper

- Lemon

- Cilantro

- Black Beans

-Avocado

Directions~

Boil chicken until cooked thoroughly with no pink in the middle. Shred chicken with a fork. Mix in plenty of turmeric seasoning to give it that beautiful bright yellow color as well as lemon juice, pepper, and chopped cilantro to taste. Cook 1/2 can of black beans and then mix with the chicken. Add a few small slices of avocado to top it off.  

GROUND TURKEY OR CHICKEN WITH QUINOA & BROWN RICE MEDLEY

Ingredients~

- 1/2 Package of ground turkey or chicken

- Quinoa & Brown Rice Medley 

- Turmeric

- Garlic Powder

- Pepper

- Chopped Cilantro

- Lemon Juice

Directions~ 

Cook Quinoa & Brown rice medly as directed. Add ground meat of choice to stove. When both are finished cooking mix together. Add turmeric, garlic powder, pepper, chopped cilantro, and lemon juice to taste.

DETOX TURKEY OR CHICKEN BURGER:

Ingredients~

- 1/2 Package of ground turkey or chicken 

- 1 Grated Zucchini 

- 1/4 tsp garlic powder 

- 1/2 tsp turmeric 

- 1/4 tsp onion powder

- 1/2 tsp dried basil

- 1/4 tsp oregano

- 1/4 tsp black pepper

- Avocado 

Directions~

Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl except avocado. This recipe make's about two 5 oz burgers, throw on the grill or in the broiler until cooked well. Top off with a few small avocado pieces. And put the extra burger in the fridge and next time you can eat it with a bun and all the extra toppings! 

Veggies~

BAKED ASPARAGUS

Ingredients~

- Asparagus (obviously)

- Fresh Garlic or Garlic Powder

- Turmeric 

- Black Pepper

- Olive Oil

- Lemon Juice

Directions~

Steaming your veggies is actually the best choice but this week I baked them because I left my steamer in Idaho. Cook them however you want, just add the same ingredients. I Preheated the oven to 425 degrees and coat large baking dish with olive oil. Wash asparagus and cut off the thick ends. Drizzle with olive oil, add a little sprinkle of turmeric, black pepper, and 1 fresh grated or pressed garlic clove segment or garlic powder. Fresh is always the better choice. Bake in the oven about 12-15 minutes depending on thickness. Squeeze a little fresh lemon juice. 

BEETS & BROCCOLI 

For best nutrient results, steam them! 

DESSERT:

Going crazy without your sweets? Pineapple makes a great detoxifying dessert. Try them on the grill, they are delicious. 

FITNESS-

Stick to your regular workout routine, or amp it up! If you don't have one already, now is the perfect time to get one started. I highly suggest beachbody dvds. They have programs for every body type and fitness level. I'm addicted to them! 

There you have it! Hope you enjoy my 5 Day Detox Cleanse! :D

Under A Rock

     So... I'm feeling like I've fallen off the face of the earth. I have been bed ridden on and off since for years now, especially the last year. I have no idea whats going on in everyone's lives and no one really has a clue whats going on in mine. I don't really know how to act normal any more. The constant pain makes me socially awkward. I either act like there's nothing wrong with me and put on a face (to avoid conversation.) Or I hide in my bedroom behind closed doors to deal by myself (to avoid conversation.)

     A while ago I announced that I thought I was finally getting better and boy..... was... I... wrong....... again! I still had a lot to come. A variety of stomach, kidney stone, crippling body ache, joint, heart, fatigue, neck and head pains. I've had a consistent headache since October, and often times it turns into a migraine from hell! I'm talking throbbing in every centimeter of my head and even neck, nonstop vomiting, feeling like my neck is broken, light and noise sent an electric shock down my body, end up in the ER, wanna die migraine! 

     At my most recent trip to the hospital they put two shots in the back of my skull that felt like venom. And I had another allergic reaction to whatever medication they put into my I.V., just like I had when I was given morphine. Both some of the most terrifying moments in my life. It felt like metal being shoved up my veins, and the second it hit my shoulder it dispersed to my entire body within seconds leaving me gasping for air, wheezing, and hysterically coughing. Apparently my face turned beat red and my eyes pleaded to the panicking nurses to make it stop. They gave me something to counteract the allergic reaction I immediately felt relief but my body was painfully shaking for a long time after. 

     Whats going on in this body is still a mystery to me, and every kind of doctor I've seen. I've recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, irritable bowels, chronic fatigue as well as the chronic kidney stones. 

     My doctors have been testing to see if I have a hyperparathyroid tumor in my neck, which would explain everything! But the doctors are baffled because tests keep coming back normal. There is still a possibility that i might have a tumor, but they would have to just cut me open to know for sure. A big risk to take if that's not whats going on. I would absolutely love it if i had a tumor, as silly as that sounds. For so long I've desperately wanted an answer to all this madness. I would be able to have the tumor surgically removed, and the symptoms would go away. Simple as that.

     They are also considering if I have celiac disease since I have just about every symptom of that as well. Unfortunately they are not able to do correct testing since I've already started a gluten free diet. I've heard it takes a couple months to see improvement, so time will tell if that is part of the problem. I know I'm at least gluten intolerant, always have been. So even if I don't have celiacs I will still benefit from the diet. 

     If I ever get to escape this pain I want to be able to look back on these entries I have written so I can remember what it felt like. And have it be a reminder of the hard times to make the good times even better. That no matter what I would be happy for the rest of my life just to not feel pain. 

     But amidst these hard times we have received many blessings. Kolby has been offered a job that allows him to work when he is able. I've received much help babysitting Aspen from my family and the relief society, bless their hearts! We have a healthy baby girl. We don't have much but we have a roof over our head, food to eat, and we have each other. Which is good enough for me right now. But I do hope that some day soon I will be able to crawl out of this hole under my rock that I've dug myself into.

   I can't wait to enjoy the simple things in life again. Working, exercising, cooking, even when I'm able to clean makes me excited. All the things I used to complain about doing, I wish so badly I could do them now.

Aspens Nursery

I love these photos! My sister did such a great job capturing these sweet moments. And I'm so happy to have them.

I put a lot of thought and work into her nursery. I wanted to go with a woodland theme but I also wanted it to be modern and full of fun bright colors. I painted the animals like an Andy Warhol painting.

     

"Somber tears turned bliss."

Tears dropped onto my newborn child's face like a rain storm as I fought for my strength back to hold her up to my chest tightly wrapping her in my arms. I wondered daily for a long time, as I felt as if I were fading closer to death, if I would ever get this chance again. Her innocent hungry cries, although at times may be exhausting, are music to my ears. Because I'm fortunate for her healthy little life. And will gladly change her diapers a million times a day and all over again tomorrow. How grateful I am to have these somber tears turned bliss. 

I've reflected on why this has been Gods will for me to go through so much pain and suffering. I have come to understand it when I think about how much I love my daughter. I know when I take her to the doctor to get blood work and give her shots I'm causing her pain. And my heart hurts so badly to hear her cries knowing needles are being injected to her. But I do it for her own good to protect her and build her immunity from illness'. I know Heavenly Father loves me as well and has also done this to protect and build me up so that I can be stronger in the future.

I know I will have to endure more pain and afflictions to come, and my journey is far from over. However, the peace i have so desperately seeked and desired, i finally have been granted. And I will try my best to endure it well. This experience has made me grateful for every breath that I and my loved ones breathe. I will no longer worry so much what others might think of me. And will no longer walk the face of the earth in a zombie like haze without purpose, and oblivious to others needs.

Although I did not realize I was lost, I found myself through afflictions. I felt both heaven and hell at war fighting for and desiring my soul. But the adversary could not compete for The Lords side will always conquer all. My sufferings at one point made me hollow, and I had to make a decision on how to fill the void.  I decided to restore myself with what characteristics are specifically intended of me from our Heavenly Father. Which is not perfection, He does not expect that of any of us. But to grow and develop a refined body from top to bottom. I am working on creating an indebted mind, non judgmental eyes, supportive shoulder, a charitable heart, strong lifting arms, serving hands, diligent legs, and empathetic feet.

There's not a single person in this world that can escape affliction. But they are to make us stronger, build us up, and teach us obedience. I hope that others can learn from what I am declaring to you. And I hope it doesn't take you what it's taken me to humble yourself, make a change, and be grateful for what you have. Make that decision no matter what place you are at in your life. 

I had to remind myself that no one is perfect. And that we should not let the actions of others determine our faith, like it has done mine in the past. Although, I am sorry to hear when someone has been offended or judged because that is not what we are taught or about. The church is meant for the imperfect. I believe that to be true with almost any religion. I relate it to a hospital, do you need to go to the emergency room when you are in perfect condition? No. So to expect a saint not to be a sinner is irrational. 

In conclusion may my former self rest in peace and my imminent embrace herself into our anguished world. I truly do have a new-found love and care for each and every one of you and what afflictions you may be going through yourself. And ask those of you in need of comfort or care to come unto my open heart and ears and receive it. 
Jumping off my "soap box" now ;)

Sincerely with love, Tara

She's brought so much joy into our lives.

Love my family.

My love.

She gets so many kisses in a day, it's not even funny!

Pioneer day, went back to the hospital for this amazing view of the whole valley.

You can see the fireworks in the back.

Aspens first bath!

The cutie actually kinda liked it!

Doesn't get any more adorable than that!

Bentley can't figure her out... lol had a bit of jealousy issues at first.

Buds!

My perfect little family. I love Aspens face on the right. Too cute!!

Josh Groban- You Are Loved
Music Video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLSk3AVcUU

Avicii- Wake Me Up
One of the best songs ever made. I listened to this song on repeat for days because I could relate to the lyrics. I wished so badly I could have just gone to sleep and wake up when the pain was over. Now I listen to the song and it makes me so happy because I feel like I've just "woken up" 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI


Adversity And The Divine Purpose Of Mortality
General Conference Talk

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/adversity-and-the-divine-purpose-of-mortality?lang=eng